Friday, September 27, 2019

Marriages: Love/Arrange or Convenient?

Marriages... It's a big deal, isn't it?
Some of them fall in love and marry each other, for some, their parents arrange it and finally most of them get married!
Once, I was on a vacation with my husband, his friends and their wives. Among them some had love marriage and some were arranged. All the wives were chit chatting when the topic of marriage came up. Everyone started discussing about their early experiences of marriage when one of the girls told me that she didn't knew about me marrying the person whom I loved. When the other girl very promptly said she wouldn't consider my marriage as Love rather it was very convenient! I was taken a back in-fact I was shocked to hear it because I was always very proud of finding the love of my life and taking my life vows with him together. Being a very typical liberal thought girl I was offended by her comment. But since, I had met her for the first time and her husband was a friend of my husband I chose to keep quiet rather than demanding her an explanation.
Her words kept swirling in my head and made me thought "What is Love Marriage or even what is arrange marriage?"
She was right, after thinking over for days I concluded all the marriages are convenient, isn't it? No genuine person ends up marring someone whom he/she believes will be difficult to live with.
I had a boyfriend when I was in college, I was madly in love with him or as far as I think I was madly in love with him! I passed out of the college, I got a good job with a good salary but he didn't. We continued our relationship but gradually I was drifting away from the idea of marring him. I was not doing this consciously but somewhere in my complicated brains every behavior of his was making me realize that he is not the person with whom I should be spending the rest of my life. Yes and I am not ashamed of admitting that it was his monetary status.I knew if I marry him; firstly my parents will disapprove of him and if I go against them and marry him, I will be losing my parents and later we would end up worrying and who knows fighting for little choices to make in life.
I do not think marriages are only surrounded with money matters, it is absolutely not but yes, it is a very important factor. My ex-boyfriend will definitely find a girl to marry him, it is not that just because he was not monetary stable for me he isn't monetary stable for anyone, of course he is. For a person who feels his earnings together with hers would be more than enough to live happily he is more than suitable for her. Money is a very complicated factor, an amount can be more than enough for some one and the same amount could be very less for the other. The measurement is very complex and why not, money and time are beyond explanation!
This is something about Love marriages when thinking over arrange marriage I thought, it isn't very different. The decision I took is generally taken by the parents first and then given the option to the girl to think on it.
It is not only for the girls the condition of the boys are also the same; though the priority of factors differ. For example, a boy wants his parents to like his girl and his parents will like her on the basis of her values, her culture, her sensibility, her respect for others and so on. These factors are equally important for a girl's parent for her guy as well but as I said the priority may differ. The guy takes all the possible measures to make his girl liked by his parents. Taking a very simple example, if a girl has a visible tattoo and the boy's parents are orthodox then I am pretty sure he would be scared of the tattoo.
Guys have a tendency to live very much in the present where in opposite girls do think ahead of their future while living in present. When a guy is dating a girl he is never sure if he will be marrying her and when the time comes to take the decision then he starts considering the factors and decides if she is suitable for marriage or not. Isn't this convenient?
Arrange marriage is not very different from Love marriages. In arrange marriages the parents at the very first step scrutinize the possible matches on their priority basis for their child. So, the child is spared with all the heartbreaks and the pain of finding the ideal person. Once, the parents find few matches suitable, the child gets the opportunity to decide whom to spend the life with. Mostly the opinion of the child is taken into consideration for marriage. The same consideration which in love marriage is from the beginning and remains unnoticed. The same basic factors which I had pointed earlier in case of both girls and boys lies in arrange marriages too and when most of the items on the checklist is checked there is a new knot tied. Isn't this convenient as well?
Marriages are convenient and why shouldn't it be!

Article Source:

No comments: