Sunday, August 27, 2017

The Difference Between "Being in Love" and Truly Loving Someone

Let's say you are in relationship with two people and you have decided it's time to make a decision to be committed to just one of them, how would you go about doing that? In some regards, it's a great place to be - but it's getting complicated and you know the time is right for a decision to be reached.
You feel that you love both, equally, but also know there are basically some differences - you have to look at which one you're "in love with" and which one you "adore and truly love" and can't live without - you want to make a life with one - knowing you can't have your cake and eat it, too, over a lifetime.
Considering the two people you are involved with - what expectations do you have for your future life? Which of the two people comes closest to meeting your expectations over time?
Under normal conditions, what would your life be like with this person? Looking at the big picture, how do they handle big problems, do they make wise, informed decisions or are they prone to make unwise, hasty decisions. Making unwise, hasty decisions is a bad sign.
Do you have fun and do playful things when it's just the two of you? Which of the two makes you laugh the most and feel light about your relationship most often? How safe do you feel when spending time with each of them, do you feel that you can be vulnerable, emotionally open, and have his respect in basic situations? Do you respect him as he is right now?
Does he honestly treat you like he believes in you, that you are smart, kind, and handle responsibility by making wise and capable decisions? How would life look in three or four years if you chose the other person - what makes you feel that life would be exciting, not boring, leaving you wishing you had chosen differently?
When together, how do you like him? How smart is he - do you feel happiness inside when you are with one more than the other - do you feel cheerful - which of the two makes you feel like your real self and you don't have to pretend or be careful of his feelings above your own?
Which of the two makes you physically excited and more intimately connected? Would you miss that feeling if you chose the other person? Looking into your future about six years - you run into the person not chosen, how would you feel about your decision, would you look at your present situation - what issues or fears would you feel, would you want to take up where you left off all those years ago?
Are you able to talk to one more than the other? Do you open up and share your deepest feelings and dreams - do you intimately connect with one more than the other? Does he really listen to you and show concern and empathy for your feelings and those issues that are important to you? How does he handle your bad moods, those times when you are feeling down? Is he able to help you see the big picture without making you feel silly or stupid?
Looking at the two relationships, which person is of the higher quality - making you feel the most sane, engaged, warm, has a good sense of humor, makes you laugh, is generous and honest? Would he be a good parent, does he like children, does he fit into your family just as he is today or are there fundamental changes you wish he'd make today?
Which one lives best in his own skin? Is he happy with who he is as a person and is he a solid, steady, person of good intentions and one who makes you feel special? Go with the one that wears well, the one who would make you saddest if you let him get away.
"You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and your not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice." ~ Steven Woodhull

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