Saturday, June 3, 2017

Is Your Marriage Pressure Getting to You?

It's the same day in and day out, you have to do things you really don't want to do, and you have to put up with things that you rather not have. You don't have much room to maneuver. You feel like one of those grapes in a vineyard about to be squeezed. Yes you are plucked, transported, then have your juices pressed out, and being skinned in the process! And to add insult to injury, you are going to be fermented! Does that sound like you in a marriage?
You are starting to wonder. What purpose does it serve? Is that what life is about? Well, you are not alone, many people feel just like that. Questions like - "What am I doing here? Where am I going to go?".
To answer these questions let's go back to the grape, what's happening is that it is turning into fine wine. Having gone through different stages the grape has matured into fine wine. Just like a marriage, it goes through different stages and then finally matures into a grand relationship.
Imagine those people who are fortunate, grew up in a normal family, doesn't have to worry about finances, and are pretty well off. Had decent grades in school, then hold good jobs. What kind of marriages do these people have? My bet is just ordinary OK marriages. Why? They haven't been through trial. They have not gone through the ups and downs of life. They have no clue how good marriages can be.
But look at those who went through difficulties, have to surmount hurdles and went through painful periods in marriage, they usually end up with highly satisfying marriages. They have finally learnt the "know how". So it is obvious now that these blissful marriages are not a given, they are earned. Like a woman who has to go through childbirth, the end result is just awesome. As King David wrote: "Those who sow tears will reap harvest in glad song."
A marriage counsellor will tell you that the turning point of a marriage is when the couple hit rock bottom. As they say, there is nowhere to go but up. They had been through the worst, they learnt their lessons, and most of all they know how precious is their partners. Having said that, there are couples that stayed at the bottom and finally end up in divorce. It is necessary that you get up from the bottom to reclaim your relationship. If you don't bounce back you have no chance of salvaging your marriage.
Bouncing back is not automatic, some things need to happen. First and foremost you have to own what had happened to you. Taking responsibility is the first step towards mending your marriage. Responsibility means respond-ability, it means now your are able to respond, as oppose to being stuck in a rut. It also means you are taking back control. You are active instead of passive, you make things happen instead of things happening to you. Even if things seem to happen to you, you are able to respond.
You are no longer victim to circumstances, you are the master of your destiny. Being able to respond properly determines the future of your marriage. Make no mistake, your actions create the kind of marriage that you will have. Sour grapes will be turned into fine wine by your actions.
Having said all that, you are still probably clueless how this is going to happen, despair not, I can help you. I have thousands of successful reconciliations under my belt. My website shows all kinds of miracle stories. You don't need magic to make a relationship work, it is not a mystery, nor do you have to be "lucky". You can make it work, just follow the "recipe".

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