Sunday, July 24, 2016

Marriage Tips - Rebuilding Your Love

 “Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.”   Unknown

Rebuilding love in your marriage takes time, wanting, willingness, desire, and the most important work. Nobody has ever told me how easy marriage is, that is because  marriage is just like your career. You have to invest your time and energy into wanting to succeed in your marriage just as you would with your job.
When teenagers fall in love, the emphasis is often on each of the partner's reactions and feelings. She loves the high she gets from knowing he desires her and thinks she is pretty. She also loves being seen at the high school football game with her special guy, knowing that there are other girls who would love to be in her shoes.
He loves what being with her does to his hormones and how manly he feels with her 5'5 frame next to his 6' 1. And he loves the way she laughs and flirts with him. Each thinks the other "hung the moon," so to speak. The falling in love stage that brings ecstatic high and delights is a very special treat. But over time, either love changes and deepens or it fades away. It's just not possible to stay in that magical falling - in - love stage forever. A deeper kind of love beckons that involves selfless giving and self-sacrifice. At this stage, the emphasis is on what you can do to help and support your partner.
Deep love helps you to see the best in your partner and to minimize their faults. It helps you to encourage them to be the best they can be and to pursue their dreams and goals. Because of your love for your spouse, you become their biggest cheerleader and fan. You want to show your love and appreciation in as many ways as you can. When you disagree, you are motivated to do everything that you can to settle your differences and restore harmony in your relationship. Even when you are upset with your spouse, you realize that your anger doesn't mean that you do not still deeply love them. The emotional tempest is temporary; your love is deep-rooted and stable.
A quote by Soren Kierkegaard beautifully captures the essence of deep love: "Perfect love means to love the one through whom one became unhappy."
Granted, this can certainly be a challenge at times, but it's an important point to understand. When your love is truly constant, then you want to be sure you don't say or do things when you're upset that will tear the fabric of your relationship. It's all too easy to act hastily on impulse and cause long-term damage. As you grow and deepen in your capacity to love, your starting place may be your spouse and any children in the marriage. But love that grows cannot be contained, and you'll find yourself reaching out to those around you in a spirit of sharing and giving. Thus love truly transforms not only the lover but also the world around you.
The conclusion is always the same: Love is the most powerful and still the most unknown energy of the world. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Expect people to be better than they are, it helps them to become better. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
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