Monday, July 18, 2016

How to Stay Happy in Marriage

     “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”      Lao Tzu

Marriage can be a joyful thing full of wondrous moments and intimacy but it can also be frustrating and even depressing. The funny thing is most couples experience both of these feelings at various points in their marriage and often swing back and forth between joy and hardship making it unpredictable which can also add its own stress! How to stay happy in marriage seems like something that cannot be constant and is only for Hollywood and dreams. This is an unfortunate way of thinking however.
This is because many people tie their entire view of happiness in a marriage to the spots of extreme joy when they know they are in love and everything seems perfect and the times where there are arguments and fights as times of extreme unhappiness. Now obviously when you fight with your spouse of are upset with them and their actions we feel unhappy and the obvious solution seems to be to eliminate those fights and confrontations. This is correct; however it is a simplistic view of how to stay happy in a marriage for a few reasons:
  • Avoiding confrontations often means completely giving in to your partners wishes which is unhealthy to a relationship as it is a form of lying if you do not really agree. This leads to a lack of respect in a relationship and very often low self esteem and bottled up rage and frustration.
  • The other end of the spectrum is to always be right by forcing your spouse to always be subservient. This I think does not need explanation to be seen as a terrible bullying tactic which can be violent and will of course lead to extreme resentment.
  • The middle way is to be a control freak in another way and try to change your partner on the sly so that all the things that annoy your about them are eventually eliminated. While people in relationships always change somewhat forcing someone to change their way of living is an impossible task which again will build resentment and anger.
As you can see none of these have any great appeal and perhaps you see some of yourself in these methods which is quite normal as nearly all marriages have some elements of the above points in them.
So how do you stop the arguments? How do you end the friction? How do you also keep the excitement and love? Firstly:
Friction is inevitable!
Unless you are almost exactly the same as your partner in every way there will come disagreements. There will be friction and there will be habits of your other half that annoy you no end and it will break that perfect marriage feeling at some point.
This as you can see is not unusual and while not welcomed it should be expected and as such you should be mentally and emotionally prepared for it. One trick to remaining happy in a marriage is to always remember that the bad times will go and each time a challenge to your marital happiness emerges it is a time to not lose faith and a time to work through it so that things can get back on track again.
How to Deal with the Tough Times
Getting things back on track is of course easier said than done. Issues with money, relatives, careers, children and many more can turn ugly if you do not know how to deal with them and how to deal with your spouse to come to a resolution.
The key point here is resolution. You can delay the outcome and argue it, ignore it or circumvent it but it does not go away unless a resolution is reached. This involves good communication from both partners but if you are the one trying to keep the peace and maintain a happy relationship then you need to be even more savvy with your talking skills because high emotions can make communicating and compromise difficult to achieve.
There are many ways of doing this but the core value you must learn is how to control your temper and to be the one who broaches the difficult subjects and takes charge of the conversation by not blaming, accusing or being petty in any way.
Take Charge of Your Happiness
Another element of happiness is the fact that you are in charge of your own happiness despite problems in your life. You choose to be happy and you cannot rely on anyone to make you happy. You can also not be responsible for your spouse's happiness, only your part in the equation.
For this you must be a full person where your marriage while the focal point of your life is not the entirety of your life. Friends, family, your own hobbies and so forth should be there for the mental health of yourself and your partner because a good relationship is one that is not so tightly knit that you cannot separate your own emotions from your partners and one not so loose that you lose your empathy either.
This if course is not everything your need to know on how to stay happy in marriage as there is so many nuances, tips and advice that you need to know to survive and thrive through the good times and bad that could fill many a book. In fact there are many great publications that can help you master the arts of happiness and communication in marriage that you can download off the web immediately and be reading within minutes. Click below for reviews of the best marriage guides you can download.
How to Stay Happy in Marriage

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